A little of this, and a bit of that..

Hi All.

We've had a busy week.  Last weekend (Easter weekend) was awesome!  We were able to go to a museum downtown on Friday!  Bruce had the day off so it was fun to go as a family and watch Mark explore the museum.  On Saturday we got to meet up with an old friend from Purdue, and it was so fun to catch up on each others lives.  Saturday night we had the pleasure of attending a beautiful wedding.  The couple is in our Home Group and almost our entire group was there to celebrate with them.  It was a fun night out without our baby.  Sunday was Easter and it was blessed.  We were able to break bread with some of Bruce's wonderful coworkers, and Mark enjoyed every minute of playing outside, following the 'big kids', and dying eggs.  Mark slept pretty hard that night.  All in all it was a great weekend and I feel so blessed to have wonderful family and friends to celebrate Christ's resurrection with.

Finished the book wild over the weekend and I would not change anything I said in my previous post about it.  It was not one of my favorite books, nor would I recommend it to anyone.  Into the Wild is a much better read if you are interested in reading about 'adventure in the wild."

Also, finished Sense and Sensibility this week.  I really enjoy Austen's writing and I gobbled this classic up quickly after my boredom with wild.  I've seen the movie before but I had never read the book.  Glad I did, the book was much better than the movie and good light hearted entertainment.  Fun read.  On to my next novel...not sure what it will be yet, but I am still reading The Explicit Gospel which has been good so far.  Lots of Biblical truth presented and great reminders about The Gospel.

My training at the Pregnancy Center is going well, and I am really starting to love this ministry!  We had a training Tuesday night about the different ministry's in the area that the center partners with and it was so encouraging to hear how the Lord is at work in the city of Dallas and the metroplex.  For the first time in a long time I felt a nudging in my heart that there may be something the Lord is trying to prepare me for that is bigger than just volunteering at the Pregnancy Center.  I mean besides being a mom (which is what I feel like I was created to do/my passion),  I think serving young women, alone, and in crisis situation because of pregnancy or abuse could be a future calling or passion of mine.  I am not sure how the Lord is going to use me in the arena but I am eager to serve and excited to have the opportunity to love on others in the name of Christ.  I've already seen the Lord at work in many of the women I have met, and even in the most dire of circumstances I also see His light pushing back darkness.

Mark has had a much better week with his teeth, which means I've had a much better week as his mommy!  It's been fun to play and laugh with him this week.  I feel like my baby is turning into a little boy right before my eyes and I'm not ready for it!

That's all for now!  Enjoy your week!  (Almost the weekend!!  Yay!)

Almost Finished...

I have about 100 pages left to go in the book wild and I'm ready to be done.  The main story line of the book is about a young woman who hikes the PCT to "find herself" after her divorce and the death of her mother.  It seems with only 100 pages left (probably more like 50- I'm reading a large print book) that she has yet to find herself.  I think my biggest frustration is that the author and I differ greatly on our worldview.  This was part of the reason why I wanted to read this novel, I love learning from people who are different from me.  But I feel like the character continues to turn to unfulfilling ventures to try and satisfy her soul.  I think yesterday when I said I want more of something, I think what I wanted was more God.  I guess I was hoping that she would come to know the Lord through her journey on the PCT and so far this hasn't happened nor do I think it will.  Before she began the hike she was frustrated with herself for experimenting with drugs and sleeping around with random men and cheating on her husband.  She kept saying this isn't me.  She wanted to put her life back together and "find herself" on her journey.  Even after months into her hike she ends up hooking up with a random guy she mets, and describes it in detail.  As a reader I was frustrated by this because it seems to me she just keeps searching and searching for something to put her mind, heart, and body at peace.  Instead of turning to guys, nature, and her own will power to finish the hike,  I wish she could see the Lord's love for her and turn to His saving grace instead.

I think a lot of times you can "find yourself" or feel like you have after doing something extremely difficult.  It's almost as if the confidence you gained from doing something you did not know if you could complete gave you a renewed sense of self.  Like "OH YEAH, I'm the girl who just finished a 3 month hike in the wilderness," or "I just gave birth to a baby, BOO-YAH" or "HECK YES, I just finished my first half marathon!"  When we do awesome things we want to think oh yeah that's the person I really am, someone awesome!  But then a few days later (or a few moments later) we screw up.  We do something that we really don't want to be known for.  I would call it sin.  The problem is we are all sinners, and we will continue to be imperfect until Jesus returns or we go to heaven.  So as awesome as "finding yourself" in the wilderness is, I feel like it's a bit of a letdown that the journey of the author led to nothing deeper.

I know sometimes God can be described as a crutch for "weak" people, but as my paster has said many times, "YEP, it is.  We need a crutch because our LEGS ARE BROKEN!"  We are broken people.  No matter how much we like to think that we can "fix" things ourselves, control the universe, or become the ultimate awesome person that we always knew we were, we cannot.  We need Jesus.  We need Jesus to heal us and to heal the broken areas of our hearts.  We need sanctification through the spirit, not a jog in the wilderness to prove to ourselves that we can push through anything on our own.  I'm tired of living in a culture that sells, "If you just lose 20 lbs", "If you just hike this mountain", and finally "If you just become this awesome person" then you will be satisfied.  Even if you manage to do all the things of your list of becoming an "awesome person" you will still be searching for more.  I'm thankful for the Lord's saving grace in my life and that He saved me from a young age.  I hope that I can humbly share The Gospel to others who are searching.

wild

One of my goals for 2014 was to read about 3 books a month or about 36 books this year.  So far I've completed 9 books (a bit behind!) and currently I'm reading wild by Cheryl Strayed and The Explicit Gospel by Matt Chandler.

So far it's been a struggle to get through wild.  It is interesting reading about Cheryl's hike through the Pacific Crest Trail, it's just that I keep thinking there will be more.  More of what I don't know?  the book has inspired me to do some hiking.  Probably not the PCT (who knows, maybe someday?) but definitely something this summer!  Being in the wilderness has a way of showing you your own insignificance while highlighting the grandeur of the Lord.  It is almost like the beauty of the wilderness is testifying to God's glory and beauty.

Currently Mark is waking up from his nap, but he only slept for about an hour and a half.  Also, last night we were up pretty much from about 2:30-4:30 because he was having trouble sleeping because of his teeth.  I officially hate the teething process.  All I can give him is ibuprofen or tylenol. (And I'm pretty convinced neither help that much.)  I need rest, and so does my baby.  Prayers please.

Going to comfort my little one!

Back to Blogging!

Mark has been taking 3 hour naps lately, which is AWESOME, but some days I get tired of doing chores & reading (my normal go-to during naps) so today I decided to write!  I've been wanting to get back to blogging for some time it just never seems to be a high priority, but why not just do it for fun and when I have some extra time?:)

I love reading back through my old posts, some of them seem so funny to me, and then others I can't even remember writing those words!  It's crazy how time can change your perspective.  Bruce and I will have been in Texas for 3 years this August and it seems like the past three years have been a whirlwind.  I am so thankful for the way the Lord has sanctified me (and is continuing to do so) through our time here in Texas.  The Lord has been so gracious to me and I am so thankful for His continued faithfulness.

Last night I volunteered at a local pregnancy center.  It has been wonderful to meet new people and to be a friend to those who find themselves in an unplanned pregnancy.  The Lord has been teaching me so much through this ministry and I am so blessed to be a part of it.  It has been so nice having something that is "all mine."  As much as I love being a stay-at-home mom, I miss working and interacting with different types of people.  I'm looking forward to growing closer with the other volunteers and spending more time there this summer!  So thankful Bruce is willing to babysit, and have a "man night" with Mark while I'm gone.

Mark is doing well.  Today was rough because he is getting about 4 teeth at once.  And until you experience the teething of a toddler it's difficult to explain.  So hard to see your baby in pain, and yet there is not much you can do.  (Also, it is hard to care for a fussy strong willed toddler!  Hard to have compassion when your frustrated.)  Being a mom is the hardest, and most rewarding thing I've done in my life, but wow I'm thankful I have Bruce to help me.  And I am very thankful for God's grace that covers me when I have bad days.

I don't really have any plans with this blog.  I'm going to try and add links to my favorite recipes, blogs, and more.  Most days, I'll probably just ramble my thoughts for the days.  If anyone reads this, hope it makes you smile at least once or is encouraging in some way.

Happy Tuesday! (Time for me to wake Mark up!)

Ready for a New Month

It is the end of February and I am glad. This month has not been a fun month for me. I have been a little lonely. I have been trying to do my best and give my all at my job, and when I get home from work I am tired. After making dinner I don't have much energy to do much else except read, watch T.V., or go to bed. It seems that the longer you go disconnected from community, the harder it is to see the importance of community. My problem is that ,outside of work, I don't 'feel' like trying to force friendships. I like for relationships to happen organically and on their own, but if I wait for them to happen organically I could be here for a while with no friends.

There is some good news. Slowly but surely I see the tide turning. I am coming out of this lonely and isolated funk. This past weekend Bruce and I made the trip down to Baton Rouge, LA to spend time with one of my friends from college and to meet her boyfriend. We all had a wonderful time. I was reminded how important an edifying and an encouraging community is. It was wonderful to be open and honest about struggles and successes and feel like I am not alone. I honestly believe one of the devil's many tactics is to isolate and make us feel alone in our troubles and in our sin. But we are not alone. I was reminded of that this weekend.

On the 7 hour drive home Bruce and I were able to have some good, but hard conversations about my feelings of loneliness. And when we were about an hour away from home a girl from my small group text me and asked me to grab breakfast Monday morning. It was exactly what I needed. God answered my prayers when I was even too stubborn to admit and say out loud that I am lonely and that I need help finding community. I am so thankful that God never gives up on me and he is always faithful.

My goal this week is to 'not waste my life.' Lately, I've been wasting so much time. Either on the Internet, Facebook, watching T.V., etc. I don't want to waste this precious time the Lord has given me. So I hope this week even when I'm tired and I don't want to work out, write a letter to a friend, spend time with Bruce, or get out of my comfort zone that I do it regardless of how tired I am. It feels good to blog again, and I'm glad I decided to write tonight. (Because I almost talked myself out of it because I am so tired!) I want to live each day for the Lord, and to be faithful in the life God has blessed me with.

Diverse City

Racial Diversity has been on my mind a lot lately. Not only because of MLK day, but also because of the past few prayer services at my church. Each Wednesday the church body gathers to pray, and the past few weeks we have been praying to see more racial diversity at our church, and also praying for the nations. During the prayer service for racial diversity I felt very sad. I know God can do great things, big things, like unite races together but most days when I'm working at the school with students of all different races it is hard to see a day when their will be no racial prejudices.

Before the prayer service, that same day at school I overheard a conversation in one of my craft classes. Most of the girls in the class were black or hispanic, and they were discussing how they liked their new classes at school. One of the Hispanic girls was saying how she doesn't like the yearbook class she is in, because she is the only hispanic girl in the class. All the other girls are white, and she already feels left out or excluded. Then the black girls agreed, and began talking about how awkward it is when you are the only black student in a class, or when you go to a restaurant and all the other guests are white, and you feel you are being stared at and don't belong. I was hearing this conversation unfold and I was caught off guard by the reality of the girls' feelings. Yes, schools are not segregated physically, but I would have to say if you walked down the halls at by school you would mostly see white kids together, hispanic kids together, and black kids together. Ideally it would be wonderful, I mean wonderful to see all the students socializing, and walking together in a mix of different races, but I have to wonder if it will ever happen. There is so much more that goes into racism than the color of skin. Many of the students at my school do not socialize because of economic status, more so than the color of skin.

I am not sure where I am going with this post, but really just to say racial injustice has been on my mind a lot lately. About 90% of the students in my after school program are of color. When I ask the white students to stay after for my program they can't because either 1) my mom is at home and wants me there or 2) I have gymnastics, then tumbling, then cheer, then Bible Study, and the list goes on. I think my after school program shows that we as a country can still feel the aches and pains of our past decisions. Why is my program filled with students of color, why are my students' families fighting to make a living, why do most of my students come from broken families? We have a long way to go, and the problem requires more than giving money to the families in need, and 'helping' the poor. It requires people, myself included, to get out of our comfort zones (economically, racially, etc.) and requires us to do life with others. Walk side by side with those who are not like us, and live life together learning and encouraging one another along the way.

The Beginning of 2012

We've been back in Dallas over a week now and it's as if we never left. Jobs and work pick back up, our busy lifestyles pick up again. I wasn't thrilled to go back to work, it's not that I don't love my job, because I do, it's just I miss being surround by people and things I'm familiar with. In Dallas I still feel like I'm a stranger or on vacation. It feels like we'll be going home any minute. I'm having a hard time getting plugged into Dallas and really feeling connected with the city, and with our church. Bruce keeps getting on me to ask girls from our small group to hang out, but truthfully I'm not sure if I want to. I have only met some of these women once or twice and I feel awkward asking them to go on a 'girl date' with me. I know I need to get out of my comfort zone, but it's hard. Another thing that has been on my mind is volunteering with the youth at our church. It's something I've always wanted to do. I'm not sure how it works at such a big church, and I've never even met the youth minister (I actually don't even know his name). I know excuses, excuses. Bruce and I have also been asked to begin leading our own small group. I'm not sure about this one either. We just joined our small group in September and we are just beginning to feel connected. I'm not sure if I want to start from the beginning all over again.

So more on my job. This week has been a bit discouraging because my numbers have been very low. Normally I have anywhere between 50-70 kids stay after school for my program, the past few school days I have only had between 30-40. And on Thursday of last week a kid in my program was kicked out of school, because he was breaking into teachers rooms and stealing laptops. Not a great start to the new year to say the least. I've been brainstorming ways to get my numbers up, but a lot of my ideas involve incentives like candy, pizza, cookie, etc. I wish that my classes would be quality enough to get the students there. (Most of my classes are awesome, or I should say the teachers are awesome. The classes that are boring, and have low student attendance are the ones with teachers who fail to plan and fail to bring materials. A good teacher can do wonders!!) It'll get better, I know it! On highlight is that I am very proud of our new North STEP Team. The girls had their first class yesterday and they were amazing! I'm hoping the girls will be ready to perform for our first pep rally of the semester at the end of February.

Bruce is signed up to take two classes at DTS this semester, which will make his life a bit more busy than normal. I am trying to find someone who teaches piano lessons, so I can go to piano while Bruce is in class. And I am also going to give some more thought to volunteering with the youth at our church. I still feel unsure about it. Although this semester is going to drag on I am excited that Bruce and I will have some visitors. One of my best friends is coming in February to visit. Then we have another visitor in early March, and I'm even trying to convince my little sisters to come out and visit us. My parents will also be out in April! So there are lots of things to look forward too. (Not to mention the five weddings Bruce and I have been invited to over the summer. Of course they are all in Indiana!)

Well in 2010 I blogged 3 times, in 2011 I blogged 20 times, so hopefully in 2012 I can blog at least 140 times! (Just saying I blogged 7x more in 2011 than I did in 2010. Let's see if I can do it again?! Also, my parents got me an awesome camera for Christmas so there will be more pictures!!)