Sunday Afternoons

I love Sundays! One of the reasons why I love Sundays is because I get to go to church and worship God with a community of people. Another reason why I love Sundays is because it is a perfect day to spend time with friends and family. Today Bruce and I were able to spend some quality time with our good friends (soon to be newlyweds) Katie and Aaron. I love this couple, they are so fun to be around and they are such an encouragement to Bruce and I. First, we visited Katie and Aaron's church and heard a wonderful sermon (the sermon focused on the three words "of the Lord" and the minister called men to action and challenged them to be men of the Lord in the way they love their wives and raise their children...great message) then we all went out to a nice dinner at an Italian restaurant. It was so fun to catch up on books we've read, jobs, marriage advice/wedding planning etc. After dinner Katie and Aaron took us to their new apartment..it was so cute! Perfect for newlyweds and it will be a great place to make memories they can one day tell their children about. It was a wonderful day, with great conversations, and great friends. Katie and Aaron are more reasons why Bruce and I are going to miss living in Indiana so much. We have such great family and friends here, we are going to miss them greatly.

This week is going to be an interesting week. I will (hopefully) find out tomorrow if I need to move a week from now or two weeks from now. I am praying that I will be able to move two weeks from now, but we will see what the new boss 'suggests.' Nevertheless, I am excited about the week, mainly I plan on cleaning the house and beginning to pack some things up for the move. I am also hoping to have some lunch dates with friends, go to Indiana Beach with my sisters (I know this place is a little questionable now, but I have great family memories there so I have to go one last time before I move) and I would love to have a date with my dad this week. And on Saturday Bruce and I will be celebrating the marriage of Aaron and Katie!! So excited!

Also, I am going to try to blog at least once a week, and start adding pictures. I figure if I write my goals on my blog I have a higher chance of actually staying committed..we will see what happens!

New Job, New State, New Adventures

In less than two weeks, I'll be moving to Dallas, TX. This entire summer I have been somewhat dreading this move mostly because I did not have a job. BUT, now I can say otherwise...I GOT A JOB!! Can you tell I am excited? I am excited about my new job for the following reasons..

1. I get to work with students every day!

2. I get to be a 'boss' and manage and hire new staff.

3. I will be on the school schedule, which means Holidays and Summers off!

4. The pay was way more than I was expecting, which is always a good thing.

5. I get to be creative, develop activities, and plan field trips.

6. I will be challenged, kept very busy and I will get plugged into a new community immediately.

7. I have the chance to make a difference in the lives of teens each day!!

8. My school is only 8 minutes away from my new apartment.

God is SO good. I am so blessed to have the opportunity to move to Dallas and to work with youth. I am getting pretty nervous about the move (seeing as I have to move in two weeks and I have nothing packed or ready to go) but I know God has a plan for Bruce and I in Texas and I am excited to serve God in this new place!

Growing Pains

Student Teaching. I never want to be a 'student teacher' again. BUT, I would never, ever, trade my student teaching experience for anything. I have learned more about myself, my faith, the 'real world,' and life in the past ten weeks than ever before. Throughout my student teaching I have been challenged, discouraged, sad, angry, encouraged, and confused. I am going to miss my students. My college classes did not prepare me for the emotion roller coster of teaching. It is amazing that in just ten weeks I have made such meaningful relationships with many of my students. I feel like I am at the tipping point, that if I were to continue teaching I just might 'get it.' You know what 'it' is. 'It' is that special unknown quality that makes you not only an effective teacher but also a GOOD teacher. And in high school, the title of 'good' is just about as high on the ranking scale you can get. I am really going to miss my students. It is strange I care for these students so much when I've only know them such a short time.

TRANSITION

My life is in a transition time. And it's strange. I am graduating in two weeks. Moving away from Purdue, the home I have known for the past four years, and moving on to a new adventure. I am learning what it means to be a wife, and aspiring to be a Godly wife. I will be moving cross country with my husband at the end of the summer. Oh, and I have NO IDEA what I would like to 'do' with my life. Well, that's not entirely true, I constantly am striving to be a servant of the Lord. I want him to use my life for his purpose, for his plans. I just wish I knew what those plans were. I have no idea where I will be or what I will be doing over the next year (not to mention I'll be further than a 45 minute drive from my family for the first time EVER) I am putting my hopes and dreams in the Lord. I pray he will continue to shape and mold my character into a young woman he can use for his kingdom. I long to serve, I just do not know what that looks like yet beyond serving in the 'everyday' areas of my life. For now, it is enough. Maybe I can serve my husband tonight by baking him cookies! :) And my doing the laundry, oh and the dishes that I have been putting off for almost a week now. Yep, it's that bad.

Feels wonderful to ramble about life and my many insecurities about the future.

Blessings

Today has been a difficult day for me. Teaching is so different than what I thought it would be. I am in a constant battle with my students to prove and explain the importance of literature. I am always asking them to look at a different perspective and try to look at life through another eyes. When we are reading stories or talking about how painful and evil the world can be at times, the students are always making comments, "How could someone kill another person for no reason?" or "How could things like the Holocaust happen?" or "Why do people kill themselves?", and "I wish people weren't so mean to one another." We can have a 45 minute discussion about all of these things and then not even 10 minutes later a student makes a jab at another student, calling him a 'fag' or an 'idiot'. SO my students don't get it. They do not see how they are contributing to this society, that the things they do and say have consequences. The choices they make will affect their entire lives. That by putting down a student or by bullying a student they are adding to the painful and evil of the world. It's frustrating that they cannot, or do not want to see their shortcomings or flaws.

What I want to say to them, and I might one of these days, is that the reason I am doing this, teaching you stories like "The Lottery," "Antigone," "To Build a Fire," is so that you can learn about life. So you can see that life is full of pain, death, difficult situations, and sometimes you are going to be so mad that you want to hurt someone or feel so lonely that you never want to talk to anyone again, BUT you can deal with these problems other ways then violence, suicide, or bullying, you can choose to write, read, talk, teach, discuss the problems you are going through.

Last week a 15 year old boy was shot by another 15 year old boy at a middle school in Martinsville, IN because of something about a school dance, and a disagreement about a girl. (Or at least that is the rumor.) I wish the student who committed this crime pursued another avenue to deal with his feelings and the pain in his life.

That is why I teach. I hope that my students can relate to at least one story in my world literature class and see that pain, death, violence, evil, and all the tough stuff in life have been around forever. And instead of turning to violence or bullying that they turn to reading, writing, or discussing these difficult and painful topics with others. I pray everyday and hope that my students are learning there is more to this life than the present pain and struggles they are going through.

Another sad story I heard today was about a young woman, 24, recently married, who passed away from pneumonia. This young woman was a friend of my cousins. All I keep thinking about is how this woman could have been me. It is so hard to understand death, and the deep pain that it brings, but I'm praying for the husband of this young lady and her family. I don't understand God's plans, and sometimes I get so frustrated with all the pain and evil this world brings, but I have to remember that God is bigger than all of the pain and he has conquered evil and Jesus will come back again.

I recently heard the song "Blessings" by Laura Story on the radio, and it moved me to tears the first time I heard it. I have to believe that the pain and difficult trials we go through are blessings in disguise. And that God will use our pain and tears to bring us closer to his side. I remind myself to take comfort in God's promise that He will restore our brokenness and the brokenness of the world someday.

LAURA STORY - "BLESSINGS" LYRICS

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home,
It's not our home

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

Questioning Myself

Sometimes I wish I could run away. Run away from responsibility, run away from my fears and my worries, just run away.

I wonder how many people really do run away from their lives? Facebook, Internet, Books, TV, even as I am blogging right now I am using this as an escape. A way to run away from my life, the life filled with things I don't want to think about right now, or deal with right now. But the problem is when we turn off the computer, turn off the tv, close the book, and in a matter of minutes when I am finished blogging I (and we) have to face the harsh realities of life. I have to stare at the mess. I don't want to.

I have been questioning myself lately. A lot lately. How can a make a difference in this world? How can I love someone, truly love them? I want to be an encouragement, to lift others up. But I am questioning my ability to do so. I am questioning my self worth. Does my love and my caring nature matter to the world? I have to believe it does. And not just my own love and caring and sensitive perspective but also the perspectives and opinions around me. In our truest, most innate sense we, human beings, want to feel connected. To have a meaning. To be loved and valued. I will continue to seek ways to relate and to feel connected to others. To find ways to encourage others when they feel alone, when they are going through a difficult time, I will continue to look to God, my faith in him, pictures, artwork, literature, human compassion and love to encourage the world around me. My knowledge of these things that compose our world will not be solely for my selfish desire, my vanity to know things, to flaunt my arrogance of my knowledge, but the knowledge will be used to connect humanity in our unknowingness. To feel connected in a sense of mutual bond that we can search and search for the answers and knowledge but to come to the realization that we are all here together, connected by something greater than ourselves and we have to reach out and love and care for one another to get through this.

9 Weeks To Go.....

Student Teaching. Man, there is nothing like working for three and a half years to become a teacher and then wondering...humm do I really want to do this with my life? That is the question I have been pondering for the last few weeks. I love to read and I love to express myself through writing and literature, but am I passionate enough about English to teach this 'subject' to students everyday??? I DON'T KNOW! Hopefully after these nine weeks I will have the answer to that question.

Learning

It is so weird that I am married. It is also weird that I am about to begin student teaching (an experience that I have been preparing for for the past three and a half years). I wish I was more excited about student teaching. So far my 'observations' of teaching is nothing like I thought it would be. (Not surprising, life always seems to be like this). I am ready to make a difference, to work hard at something everyday. I want to make God proud and glorify him with my every moment. Easier said than done. I am hoping and praying that with each new day I will learn how to better glorify God with my moments. Whether I am simply making dinner for Bruce, doing laundry (weird, all of a sudden I am a housewife) and with each day I am at school I give my all to connect with my students.

So I am learning. Learning how to be married..this so far has been fun:) And learning how to be a 'teacher'. What I am finding is that both learning how to be a loving and serving wife, and learning how to be an encouraging and engaging teacher will be a life long lesson. Humm, I bet I will not be bored often.