Diverse City

Racial Diversity has been on my mind a lot lately. Not only because of MLK day, but also because of the past few prayer services at my church. Each Wednesday the church body gathers to pray, and the past few weeks we have been praying to see more racial diversity at our church, and also praying for the nations. During the prayer service for racial diversity I felt very sad. I know God can do great things, big things, like unite races together but most days when I'm working at the school with students of all different races it is hard to see a day when their will be no racial prejudices.

Before the prayer service, that same day at school I overheard a conversation in one of my craft classes. Most of the girls in the class were black or hispanic, and they were discussing how they liked their new classes at school. One of the Hispanic girls was saying how she doesn't like the yearbook class she is in, because she is the only hispanic girl in the class. All the other girls are white, and she already feels left out or excluded. Then the black girls agreed, and began talking about how awkward it is when you are the only black student in a class, or when you go to a restaurant and all the other guests are white, and you feel you are being stared at and don't belong. I was hearing this conversation unfold and I was caught off guard by the reality of the girls' feelings. Yes, schools are not segregated physically, but I would have to say if you walked down the halls at by school you would mostly see white kids together, hispanic kids together, and black kids together. Ideally it would be wonderful, I mean wonderful to see all the students socializing, and walking together in a mix of different races, but I have to wonder if it will ever happen. There is so much more that goes into racism than the color of skin. Many of the students at my school do not socialize because of economic status, more so than the color of skin.

I am not sure where I am going with this post, but really just to say racial injustice has been on my mind a lot lately. About 90% of the students in my after school program are of color. When I ask the white students to stay after for my program they can't because either 1) my mom is at home and wants me there or 2) I have gymnastics, then tumbling, then cheer, then Bible Study, and the list goes on. I think my after school program shows that we as a country can still feel the aches and pains of our past decisions. Why is my program filled with students of color, why are my students' families fighting to make a living, why do most of my students come from broken families? We have a long way to go, and the problem requires more than giving money to the families in need, and 'helping' the poor. It requires people, myself included, to get out of our comfort zones (economically, racially, etc.) and requires us to do life with others. Walk side by side with those who are not like us, and live life together learning and encouraging one another along the way.

The Beginning of 2012

We've been back in Dallas over a week now and it's as if we never left. Jobs and work pick back up, our busy lifestyles pick up again. I wasn't thrilled to go back to work, it's not that I don't love my job, because I do, it's just I miss being surround by people and things I'm familiar with. In Dallas I still feel like I'm a stranger or on vacation. It feels like we'll be going home any minute. I'm having a hard time getting plugged into Dallas and really feeling connected with the city, and with our church. Bruce keeps getting on me to ask girls from our small group to hang out, but truthfully I'm not sure if I want to. I have only met some of these women once or twice and I feel awkward asking them to go on a 'girl date' with me. I know I need to get out of my comfort zone, but it's hard. Another thing that has been on my mind is volunteering with the youth at our church. It's something I've always wanted to do. I'm not sure how it works at such a big church, and I've never even met the youth minister (I actually don't even know his name). I know excuses, excuses. Bruce and I have also been asked to begin leading our own small group. I'm not sure about this one either. We just joined our small group in September and we are just beginning to feel connected. I'm not sure if I want to start from the beginning all over again.

So more on my job. This week has been a bit discouraging because my numbers have been very low. Normally I have anywhere between 50-70 kids stay after school for my program, the past few school days I have only had between 30-40. And on Thursday of last week a kid in my program was kicked out of school, because he was breaking into teachers rooms and stealing laptops. Not a great start to the new year to say the least. I've been brainstorming ways to get my numbers up, but a lot of my ideas involve incentives like candy, pizza, cookie, etc. I wish that my classes would be quality enough to get the students there. (Most of my classes are awesome, or I should say the teachers are awesome. The classes that are boring, and have low student attendance are the ones with teachers who fail to plan and fail to bring materials. A good teacher can do wonders!!) It'll get better, I know it! On highlight is that I am very proud of our new North STEP Team. The girls had their first class yesterday and they were amazing! I'm hoping the girls will be ready to perform for our first pep rally of the semester at the end of February.

Bruce is signed up to take two classes at DTS this semester, which will make his life a bit more busy than normal. I am trying to find someone who teaches piano lessons, so I can go to piano while Bruce is in class. And I am also going to give some more thought to volunteering with the youth at our church. I still feel unsure about it. Although this semester is going to drag on I am excited that Bruce and I will have some visitors. One of my best friends is coming in February to visit. Then we have another visitor in early March, and I'm even trying to convince my little sisters to come out and visit us. My parents will also be out in April! So there are lots of things to look forward too. (Not to mention the five weddings Bruce and I have been invited to over the summer. Of course they are all in Indiana!)

Well in 2010 I blogged 3 times, in 2011 I blogged 20 times, so hopefully in 2012 I can blog at least 140 times! (Just saying I blogged 7x more in 2011 than I did in 2010. Let's see if I can do it again?! Also, my parents got me an awesome camera for Christmas so there will be more pictures!!)

Quiet Moments

I want to write, I want to express and share my feelings but I do not want to write about the mundane things going on in my life. Someday I would love to write a book on a brilliant topic. I have no idea what that topic is yet?

I love reading blogs. I love reading journals, biographies, etc. When I read about another's journey and the trials and celebrations they are going through I am encouraged. I gain wisdom and encouragement from women who have gone through many life experiences before I have experienced them myself. Learning that not everyone is perfect, and about the daily insecurities and trials women suffer through reminds me that I am not alone. It reminds me that we are in is thing called 'life' together, and even in those moments when God feels so distant, or more appropriately, we feel so distant from God, we have friends. Friends in the blogging world, at our workplace, at church, or half way across the world that can encouarge us, sympathize with us, and just help to make us feel 'known'. I love when I feel 'known'. When someone knows my talents and my flaws and loves me and supports me dispite my shortcomings.

Community is truly a gift from God.

Happy Day

I NEED TO BLOG!!!!

My life has been busy with work, work, work. We have a lot of deadlines due this week! Because my program is funded by federal grant money I have to pretty much tell the government what we do every second of the day, who is there every second of the day, and explain every little penny I spend. It's tons of fun.

Bruce and I went to his holiday work party last Saturday night. It was a ton of fun, I even got to buy a new dress! The party was downtown Dallas in a super fancy hotel. Filet mignon for dinner, and Starbucks coffee as a gift! It was nice to meet Bruce's coworkers and to have a fun night downtown, but I think my school's holiday party is going to be even better. I mean a Mexican restaurant, with about 50 teachers...oh yeah, it's going to be good. (Plus, let's be honest. Engineers can be slightly awkward in social situations.)

I'm really looking forward to coming home for Christmas and spending time with the people I love. Feeling very blessed and thankful lately!

God is so good. I like knowing that when life is good, God is good. And when life is hard/seems bad, God is still good. We're never walking alone through the hills and valleys of life, and that thought is so comforting! Hope everyone is having a wonderful week!

Weekends are a Blessing

This weekend was nice. On Friday Bruce and I went out to dinner and had some intentional conversations. Sometimes I don't want to tell Bruce how I am feeling, I want to keep my feelings inside and I want him to figure it out without even giving him a hint. Well I have learned that is just crazy. He wants to know how I am feeling and what is going on, but I have to be intentional and tell him. He is not a mindreader. It was nice to have an open and honest conversation about where we are both at.

On Saturday I went to the DTS wives retreat. It was interesting. I only knew one other lady there and her and I talk for a little while. I met some more women and it was nice to talk with them about where they moved from or what year their husband is in in school. There were all different ages there, I was one of the youngest ones but there were women who looked just as young as I am. The speakers were pretty good. The first speaker talk about the importance of going to Jesus first. Getting to know Jesus and being satisfied in him first and foremost, before going out and trying to change the world. It was a good reminder to seek Jesus first, and if my relationship with him is first, then out of that others will see my love for Him. The second speaker was a native of Texas, and her accent gave her away quickly. She discussed how to manage your time wisely. She also discussed how to keep the house clean, how to be a good mom, and how to keep dinner on the table. It was funny. In our culture today I rarely hear about the importance of being a good housewife and mom. I mean, I feel at times it's almost looked down upon to 'just' be a stay at home mom. I really am looking forward to having children and I hope Bruce and I will have the means for me to be a stay at home mom, but I wonder when people ask me what I do, will I still say I'm a teacher or will I say I am a mom? Or will I say I am a teacher, but I am just taking some time off to raise the kids. I don't know. Will I be satisfied with being a full time mom or will I be counting down the years until I can go back to work? I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

Bruce and I had a low key Sunday. We stayed in all day (with the exception of going to church) and got some chores done around the apartment. I also ordered a cable plan for our new tv. This caused a bit a tension between Bruce and I. Bruce despises cable. We have not had cable for the past year. During our first three months of marriage I was fine with it because I was really busy with student teaching, and during the summer I didn't mind either because we were running around all summer spending time with our friends and family before our big move. But now that Bruce is in school, and my job is less demanding I would like to have cable. Bruce doesn't like it because there are so many trashy shows on, and I agree there are a lot of trashy shows, but I really like watching the news. I also like watching the kids movies that are on occasionally. So this weekend Bruce went along with my desire and we ordered the most basic plan of cable you can get. I am excited, which is kind of sad. I keep myself busy by reading, writing to friends, blogging, etc. but sometimes it would be nice to watch a little tv. So we'll see if cable rots my brain?!

I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving in a few weeks. It will be the first Thanksgiving Bruce and I have spent together (just the two of us) and I am hoping whatever I decide to make tastes good. I hope we enjoy the day and I don't miss my family too too much. Maybe Bruce and I can start our own Thanksgiving tradition this year. Any suggestions? Bruce and I got a Christmas tree this weekend at Hobby Lobby at half price, so I am going to continue the Allen family tradition and put up my tree the day after Thanksgiving!

Happy Monday!

It's November...Yay!

I have been in Texas for approximately 3 months. Wow. On the way home from church last night I realized that our time in Texas is a part of our journey. What I mean by that is someday we'll be telling our kiddos 'yeah, when we lived in Texas is was so hot,' or 'the people we met in Dallas were so nice,' etc. My parents used to tell us their stories from when they lived in Ohio and how they had to move three times, and about my dad's adventures as a youth pastor. It dawned on me that Bruce and I are having our own adventures, and even though we have tough times that someday those tough moments might be some of our favorite memories.

It was just a strange thing to think about. Dallas doesn't really feel like home, but we are beginning to belong more and more. I have no idea how long we will be here (that depends on Bruce's job) but I know we are making memories we will never forget. Our first apartment so far from home, my first job with a salary, our first Thanksgiving alone, choosing a church on our on, Bruce's time at DTS, etc. So many memories. I am so thankful God provided this opportunity for us (even when I didn't want to move.) Bruce and I are learning how to be married, how to fight well, how to communicate better, and how to do life together. Although I feel lonely at times, being in a new place, with few friends, I am thankful for God using this time to build my relationship with himself and with Bruce stronger. My relationships with my sisters, parents, and friends have also been strengthened by this experience. Because I live so far from many of the people I love it forces me to be intentional about calling, sending letters, etc. A relationship means so much more when you are invested and intentional rather than being friends simply because of proximity and location.

All this being said, I am SO excited to come home for Christmas!!! Can't wait to spend time with family and friends. I am so blessed, and I will be forever thankful.

Random Note: Bruce is getting glasses. We were in Lens Crafters for about 2 hours on Saturday. I think he is excited, now he can officially go for his dream of becoming a professor because he looks the part! I'll post pictures as soon as he gets them!

A Warm & Sunny Halloween

In the past few days I have felt constantly reminded about how blessed I am. Truly, truly blessed. This transition to Texas has been difficult because I miss my family, friends, and the familiarity of home but God is teaching me so many lessons during this journey.

My job is so great. I get to hang out with kids after school, who so badly want someone to hang out with. Today we offered about ten classes; Fashion Club, Basketball, Soccer, Cooking, Robotics, just to name a few. I love it that the kids get so excited to see me after school, and they are always excited to hear what classes we have for the day. Today I brought cookies for Halloween and I've never seen kids more excited. One of the many reasons why I love my job is because it's all about the kids. I don't have to stress if all my kids are passing or not passing my class. I simply get to build relationships with kids and love on them. And that is what I love to do. The kids I work with each day can be difficult, but I know that they are gaining something from this program and I feel happy and blessed that I was chosen to care for these kids.

My husband is great. He loves me so well, and he is so intentional about loving me. Today I came home to flowers, and giant hug. It is so wonderful to be valued and loved for who you are (the good, the bad, and the ugly.) I am truly blessed to have such a wonderful man leading our family. Marriage is hard, but definitely worth it!

God is so good. Even when I don't understand his plan. I am learning to trust, and my church community is helping me learn to trust God with everything. And for that I am grateful. Although I am homesick, I am so grateful for a God who is greater than all my fears and worries. He is so good.