Ready for a New Month

It is the end of February and I am glad. This month has not been a fun month for me. I have been a little lonely. I have been trying to do my best and give my all at my job, and when I get home from work I am tired. After making dinner I don't have much energy to do much else except read, watch T.V., or go to bed. It seems that the longer you go disconnected from community, the harder it is to see the importance of community. My problem is that ,outside of work, I don't 'feel' like trying to force friendships. I like for relationships to happen organically and on their own, but if I wait for them to happen organically I could be here for a while with no friends.

There is some good news. Slowly but surely I see the tide turning. I am coming out of this lonely and isolated funk. This past weekend Bruce and I made the trip down to Baton Rouge, LA to spend time with one of my friends from college and to meet her boyfriend. We all had a wonderful time. I was reminded how important an edifying and an encouraging community is. It was wonderful to be open and honest about struggles and successes and feel like I am not alone. I honestly believe one of the devil's many tactics is to isolate and make us feel alone in our troubles and in our sin. But we are not alone. I was reminded of that this weekend.

On the 7 hour drive home Bruce and I were able to have some good, but hard conversations about my feelings of loneliness. And when we were about an hour away from home a girl from my small group text me and asked me to grab breakfast Monday morning. It was exactly what I needed. God answered my prayers when I was even too stubborn to admit and say out loud that I am lonely and that I need help finding community. I am so thankful that God never gives up on me and he is always faithful.

My goal this week is to 'not waste my life.' Lately, I've been wasting so much time. Either on the Internet, Facebook, watching T.V., etc. I don't want to waste this precious time the Lord has given me. So I hope this week even when I'm tired and I don't want to work out, write a letter to a friend, spend time with Bruce, or get out of my comfort zone that I do it regardless of how tired I am. It feels good to blog again, and I'm glad I decided to write tonight. (Because I almost talked myself out of it because I am so tired!) I want to live each day for the Lord, and to be faithful in the life God has blessed me with.

Diverse City

Racial Diversity has been on my mind a lot lately. Not only because of MLK day, but also because of the past few prayer services at my church. Each Wednesday the church body gathers to pray, and the past few weeks we have been praying to see more racial diversity at our church, and also praying for the nations. During the prayer service for racial diversity I felt very sad. I know God can do great things, big things, like unite races together but most days when I'm working at the school with students of all different races it is hard to see a day when their will be no racial prejudices.

Before the prayer service, that same day at school I overheard a conversation in one of my craft classes. Most of the girls in the class were black or hispanic, and they were discussing how they liked their new classes at school. One of the Hispanic girls was saying how she doesn't like the yearbook class she is in, because she is the only hispanic girl in the class. All the other girls are white, and she already feels left out or excluded. Then the black girls agreed, and began talking about how awkward it is when you are the only black student in a class, or when you go to a restaurant and all the other guests are white, and you feel you are being stared at and don't belong. I was hearing this conversation unfold and I was caught off guard by the reality of the girls' feelings. Yes, schools are not segregated physically, but I would have to say if you walked down the halls at by school you would mostly see white kids together, hispanic kids together, and black kids together. Ideally it would be wonderful, I mean wonderful to see all the students socializing, and walking together in a mix of different races, but I have to wonder if it will ever happen. There is so much more that goes into racism than the color of skin. Many of the students at my school do not socialize because of economic status, more so than the color of skin.

I am not sure where I am going with this post, but really just to say racial injustice has been on my mind a lot lately. About 90% of the students in my after school program are of color. When I ask the white students to stay after for my program they can't because either 1) my mom is at home and wants me there or 2) I have gymnastics, then tumbling, then cheer, then Bible Study, and the list goes on. I think my after school program shows that we as a country can still feel the aches and pains of our past decisions. Why is my program filled with students of color, why are my students' families fighting to make a living, why do most of my students come from broken families? We have a long way to go, and the problem requires more than giving money to the families in need, and 'helping' the poor. It requires people, myself included, to get out of our comfort zones (economically, racially, etc.) and requires us to do life with others. Walk side by side with those who are not like us, and live life together learning and encouraging one another along the way.

The Beginning of 2012

We've been back in Dallas over a week now and it's as if we never left. Jobs and work pick back up, our busy lifestyles pick up again. I wasn't thrilled to go back to work, it's not that I don't love my job, because I do, it's just I miss being surround by people and things I'm familiar with. In Dallas I still feel like I'm a stranger or on vacation. It feels like we'll be going home any minute. I'm having a hard time getting plugged into Dallas and really feeling connected with the city, and with our church. Bruce keeps getting on me to ask girls from our small group to hang out, but truthfully I'm not sure if I want to. I have only met some of these women once or twice and I feel awkward asking them to go on a 'girl date' with me. I know I need to get out of my comfort zone, but it's hard. Another thing that has been on my mind is volunteering with the youth at our church. It's something I've always wanted to do. I'm not sure how it works at such a big church, and I've never even met the youth minister (I actually don't even know his name). I know excuses, excuses. Bruce and I have also been asked to begin leading our own small group. I'm not sure about this one either. We just joined our small group in September and we are just beginning to feel connected. I'm not sure if I want to start from the beginning all over again.

So more on my job. This week has been a bit discouraging because my numbers have been very low. Normally I have anywhere between 50-70 kids stay after school for my program, the past few school days I have only had between 30-40. And on Thursday of last week a kid in my program was kicked out of school, because he was breaking into teachers rooms and stealing laptops. Not a great start to the new year to say the least. I've been brainstorming ways to get my numbers up, but a lot of my ideas involve incentives like candy, pizza, cookie, etc. I wish that my classes would be quality enough to get the students there. (Most of my classes are awesome, or I should say the teachers are awesome. The classes that are boring, and have low student attendance are the ones with teachers who fail to plan and fail to bring materials. A good teacher can do wonders!!) It'll get better, I know it! On highlight is that I am very proud of our new North STEP Team. The girls had their first class yesterday and they were amazing! I'm hoping the girls will be ready to perform for our first pep rally of the semester at the end of February.

Bruce is signed up to take two classes at DTS this semester, which will make his life a bit more busy than normal. I am trying to find someone who teaches piano lessons, so I can go to piano while Bruce is in class. And I am also going to give some more thought to volunteering with the youth at our church. I still feel unsure about it. Although this semester is going to drag on I am excited that Bruce and I will have some visitors. One of my best friends is coming in February to visit. Then we have another visitor in early March, and I'm even trying to convince my little sisters to come out and visit us. My parents will also be out in April! So there are lots of things to look forward too. (Not to mention the five weddings Bruce and I have been invited to over the summer. Of course they are all in Indiana!)

Well in 2010 I blogged 3 times, in 2011 I blogged 20 times, so hopefully in 2012 I can blog at least 140 times! (Just saying I blogged 7x more in 2011 than I did in 2010. Let's see if I can do it again?! Also, my parents got me an awesome camera for Christmas so there will be more pictures!!)