Thursday, April 17, 2014

Almost Finished...

I have about 100 pages left to go in the book wild and I'm ready to be done.  The main story line of the book is about a young woman who hikes the PCT to "find herself" after her divorce and the death of her mother.  It seems with only 100 pages left (probably more like 50- I'm reading a large print book) that she has yet to find herself.  I think my biggest frustration is that the author and I differ greatly on our worldview.  This was part of the reason why I wanted to read this novel, I love learning from people who are different from me.  But I feel like the character continues to turn to unfulfilling ventures to try and satisfy her soul.  I think yesterday when I said I want more of something, I think what I wanted was more God.  I guess I was hoping that she would come to know the Lord through her journey on the PCT and so far this hasn't happened nor do I think it will.  Before she began the hike she was frustrated with herself for experimenting with drugs and sleeping around with random men and cheating on her husband.  She kept saying this isn't me.  She wanted to put her life back together and "find herself" on her journey.  Even after months into her hike she ends up hooking up with a random guy she mets, and describes it in detail.  As a reader I was frustrated by this because it seems to me she just keeps searching and searching for something to put her mind, heart, and body at peace.  Instead of turning to guys, nature, and her own will power to finish the hike,  I wish she could see the Lord's love for her and turn to His saving grace instead.

I think a lot of times you can "find yourself" or feel like you have after doing something extremely difficult.  It's almost as if the confidence you gained from doing something you did not know if you could complete gave you a renewed sense of self.  Like "OH YEAH, I'm the girl who just finished a 3 month hike in the wilderness," or "I just gave birth to a baby, BOO-YAH" or "HECK YES, I just finished my first half marathon!"  When we do awesome things we want to think oh yeah that's the person I really am, someone awesome!  But then a few days later (or a few moments later) we screw up.  We do something that we really don't want to be known for.  I would call it sin.  The problem is we are all sinners, and we will continue to be imperfect until Jesus returns or we go to heaven.  So as awesome as "finding yourself" in the wilderness is, I feel like it's a bit of a letdown that the journey of the author led to nothing deeper.

I know sometimes God can be described as a crutch for "weak" people, but as my paster has said many times, "YEP, it is.  We need a crutch because our LEGS ARE BROKEN!"  We are broken people.  No matter how much we like to think that we can "fix" things ourselves, control the universe, or become the ultimate awesome person that we always knew we were, we cannot.  We need Jesus.  We need Jesus to heal us and to heal the broken areas of our hearts.  We need sanctification through the spirit, not a jog in the wilderness to prove to ourselves that we can push through anything on our own.  I'm tired of living in a culture that sells, "If you just lose 20 lbs", "If you just hike this mountain", and finally "If you just become this awesome person" then you will be satisfied.  Even if you manage to do all the things of your list of becoming an "awesome person" you will still be searching for more.  I'm thankful for the Lord's saving grace in my life and that He saved me from a young age.  I hope that I can humbly share The Gospel to others who are searching.

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