I'm Weird!

Is it weird that sometimes my motivation for blogging is because I enjoy looking back through my old posts, and someday I like to think I'll have an online 'diary' of sorts that will recap my thoughts and feelings throughout my life?  Good.  I did not think it was weird either.  I'll continue! :)

Being content is something that I struggle with daily.  It's weird, because mentally I know that I am blessed and I have wonderful family, friends, and even material blessings, but some days it's still tough to be content.  I miss my family and friends in the midwest.  Some days (like today) I wish I could go hang out with my mom and spend the day together playing with and enjoying my baby.  Motherhood is a  difficult thing, and I don't think we were meant to do it alone.  I'm not just taking husbands here; I mean community intentionally being apart of each other's lives for the good of the children and for the good of the mommys and daddys (who are tired!).  We need to raise our children alongside others who can help us.  Who can help us teach our kids things we can't by ourselves.  For their kids to play with our kids, and for moms to say to one another, "yeah, I had a rough night last night too."  To know we are not in it alone.  American culture has become so larger-than life with expectations for oneself.  I feel like someone is always telling us we need to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and 'figure it out', 'do it ourselves.'  Well this momma is saying NO.  I need help.  And I will ask for it.  Because in the end, having help, and real intentional community- people who love me and my kids- having those people around will make me a better mommy, a better wife, and a better Christ follower.

So what I'm saying is- I miss that kind of community.  I have it so easily available to me back 'home' in Indiana.  But in Texas it's different.  It's hard.  I have to fight for it.  I have to try everyday to be intentional and to open myself up and risk being rejected.  But for now, this is where the Lord has called my family.  So I will continue to fight for this community that is a life line to me and my family.  The Lord is using this season for a purpose and I am being sanctified through it.  (But still, can I just say- I miss the easy.  I miss home, family, and friends that love me so well.)

Looking forward to the weekend.  A sweet friend and child of some of our close friends here in TX is getting baptized on Sunday.  Also, I'm going to a baby shower to celebrate another little baby boy in our Home Group.  Love it!  Love celebrating life!

All for now.  Have a great Friday.

Nothing to Write About :)

I haven't blogged in a while, and I haven't really had the time.  Well I haven't made the time.  For the past few weeks Mark has been getting about 5 teeth in all and once and it has been a little rough on him (and mommy!)  Finally, it seems that the teeth have finally broken through and things have gotten better.  I have learned as a momma that everything is a phase.  That if you can just make it through the  "no sleeping phase," the  "teething phase," the "terrible twos phase" that things will get better.  This has worked for me.  Taking life moment by moment and day by day getting through the so called phase is much more bearable then thinking about this parenting thing I'm doing for the next 18+ years of my life.

Enough about mom stuff.  So I wanted to write something today, even though I don't have much to say because I miss that feeling when you create something out of nothing.  When I used to work I had the  responsibility to plan classes, events, and meaningful time for my students to learn.  I miss that.  I also miss high school ceramic class.  Taking a glob of mushy clay and turing it into a vase, cup ,bowl, or funky Christmas ornament.  I miss creating something out of nothing.  I hope that I am doing this parenting thing well, and that someday Mark will be a strong little boy who loves the Lord.  That would be fun to "create."  (He sounds like he is waking up from his nap now.  I hope he goes back to sleep!  Come on give me another hour!)

Well, I'm reading The Signature in the Cell, good stuff.  Complicated, over my head biology and chemistry but really good stuff.  If you are interested in becoming knowledgeable about the DNA enigma (as the author puts it) you should check it out!  The information in DNA had to come from somewhere, but scientists are still trying to figure out the source of the information.  It is awesome how science is pointing to a Creator (if you're willing to open yourself up to the possibility of intelligent design.)  That's all I got for today.  I don't think my baby is going back to sleep; which is a bummer because we will be up late tonight at a church service...oh well!

Glad I at least got to 'create' this small blog post!

A little of this, and a bit of that..

Hi All.

We've had a busy week.  Last weekend (Easter weekend) was awesome!  We were able to go to a museum downtown on Friday!  Bruce had the day off so it was fun to go as a family and watch Mark explore the museum.  On Saturday we got to meet up with an old friend from Purdue, and it was so fun to catch up on each others lives.  Saturday night we had the pleasure of attending a beautiful wedding.  The couple is in our Home Group and almost our entire group was there to celebrate with them.  It was a fun night out without our baby.  Sunday was Easter and it was blessed.  We were able to break bread with some of Bruce's wonderful coworkers, and Mark enjoyed every minute of playing outside, following the 'big kids', and dying eggs.  Mark slept pretty hard that night.  All in all it was a great weekend and I feel so blessed to have wonderful family and friends to celebrate Christ's resurrection with.

Finished the book wild over the weekend and I would not change anything I said in my previous post about it.  It was not one of my favorite books, nor would I recommend it to anyone.  Into the Wild is a much better read if you are interested in reading about 'adventure in the wild."

Also, finished Sense and Sensibility this week.  I really enjoy Austen's writing and I gobbled this classic up quickly after my boredom with wild.  I've seen the movie before but I had never read the book.  Glad I did, the book was much better than the movie and good light hearted entertainment.  Fun read.  On to my next novel...not sure what it will be yet, but I am still reading The Explicit Gospel which has been good so far.  Lots of Biblical truth presented and great reminders about The Gospel.

My training at the Pregnancy Center is going well, and I am really starting to love this ministry!  We had a training Tuesday night about the different ministry's in the area that the center partners with and it was so encouraging to hear how the Lord is at work in the city of Dallas and the metroplex.  For the first time in a long time I felt a nudging in my heart that there may be something the Lord is trying to prepare me for that is bigger than just volunteering at the Pregnancy Center.  I mean besides being a mom (which is what I feel like I was created to do/my passion),  I think serving young women, alone, and in crisis situation because of pregnancy or abuse could be a future calling or passion of mine.  I am not sure how the Lord is going to use me in the arena but I am eager to serve and excited to have the opportunity to love on others in the name of Christ.  I've already seen the Lord at work in many of the women I have met, and even in the most dire of circumstances I also see His light pushing back darkness.

Mark has had a much better week with his teeth, which means I've had a much better week as his mommy!  It's been fun to play and laugh with him this week.  I feel like my baby is turning into a little boy right before my eyes and I'm not ready for it!

That's all for now!  Enjoy your week!  (Almost the weekend!!  Yay!)

Almost Finished...

I have about 100 pages left to go in the book wild and I'm ready to be done.  The main story line of the book is about a young woman who hikes the PCT to "find herself" after her divorce and the death of her mother.  It seems with only 100 pages left (probably more like 50- I'm reading a large print book) that she has yet to find herself.  I think my biggest frustration is that the author and I differ greatly on our worldview.  This was part of the reason why I wanted to read this novel, I love learning from people who are different from me.  But I feel like the character continues to turn to unfulfilling ventures to try and satisfy her soul.  I think yesterday when I said I want more of something, I think what I wanted was more God.  I guess I was hoping that she would come to know the Lord through her journey on the PCT and so far this hasn't happened nor do I think it will.  Before she began the hike she was frustrated with herself for experimenting with drugs and sleeping around with random men and cheating on her husband.  She kept saying this isn't me.  She wanted to put her life back together and "find herself" on her journey.  Even after months into her hike she ends up hooking up with a random guy she mets, and describes it in detail.  As a reader I was frustrated by this because it seems to me she just keeps searching and searching for something to put her mind, heart, and body at peace.  Instead of turning to guys, nature, and her own will power to finish the hike,  I wish she could see the Lord's love for her and turn to His saving grace instead.

I think a lot of times you can "find yourself" or feel like you have after doing something extremely difficult.  It's almost as if the confidence you gained from doing something you did not know if you could complete gave you a renewed sense of self.  Like "OH YEAH, I'm the girl who just finished a 3 month hike in the wilderness," or "I just gave birth to a baby, BOO-YAH" or "HECK YES, I just finished my first half marathon!"  When we do awesome things we want to think oh yeah that's the person I really am, someone awesome!  But then a few days later (or a few moments later) we screw up.  We do something that we really don't want to be known for.  I would call it sin.  The problem is we are all sinners, and we will continue to be imperfect until Jesus returns or we go to heaven.  So as awesome as "finding yourself" in the wilderness is, I feel like it's a bit of a letdown that the journey of the author led to nothing deeper.

I know sometimes God can be described as a crutch for "weak" people, but as my paster has said many times, "YEP, it is.  We need a crutch because our LEGS ARE BROKEN!"  We are broken people.  No matter how much we like to think that we can "fix" things ourselves, control the universe, or become the ultimate awesome person that we always knew we were, we cannot.  We need Jesus.  We need Jesus to heal us and to heal the broken areas of our hearts.  We need sanctification through the spirit, not a jog in the wilderness to prove to ourselves that we can push through anything on our own.  I'm tired of living in a culture that sells, "If you just lose 20 lbs", "If you just hike this mountain", and finally "If you just become this awesome person" then you will be satisfied.  Even if you manage to do all the things of your list of becoming an "awesome person" you will still be searching for more.  I'm thankful for the Lord's saving grace in my life and that He saved me from a young age.  I hope that I can humbly share The Gospel to others who are searching.

wild

One of my goals for 2014 was to read about 3 books a month or about 36 books this year.  So far I've completed 9 books (a bit behind!) and currently I'm reading wild by Cheryl Strayed and The Explicit Gospel by Matt Chandler.

So far it's been a struggle to get through wild.  It is interesting reading about Cheryl's hike through the Pacific Crest Trail, it's just that I keep thinking there will be more.  More of what I don't know?  the book has inspired me to do some hiking.  Probably not the PCT (who knows, maybe someday?) but definitely something this summer!  Being in the wilderness has a way of showing you your own insignificance while highlighting the grandeur of the Lord.  It is almost like the beauty of the wilderness is testifying to God's glory and beauty.

Currently Mark is waking up from his nap, but he only slept for about an hour and a half.  Also, last night we were up pretty much from about 2:30-4:30 because he was having trouble sleeping because of his teeth.  I officially hate the teething process.  All I can give him is ibuprofen or tylenol. (And I'm pretty convinced neither help that much.)  I need rest, and so does my baby.  Prayers please.

Going to comfort my little one!

Back to Blogging!

Mark has been taking 3 hour naps lately, which is AWESOME, but some days I get tired of doing chores & reading (my normal go-to during naps) so today I decided to write!  I've been wanting to get back to blogging for some time it just never seems to be a high priority, but why not just do it for fun and when I have some extra time?:)

I love reading back through my old posts, some of them seem so funny to me, and then others I can't even remember writing those words!  It's crazy how time can change your perspective.  Bruce and I will have been in Texas for 3 years this August and it seems like the past three years have been a whirlwind.  I am so thankful for the way the Lord has sanctified me (and is continuing to do so) through our time here in Texas.  The Lord has been so gracious to me and I am so thankful for His continued faithfulness.

Last night I volunteered at a local pregnancy center.  It has been wonderful to meet new people and to be a friend to those who find themselves in an unplanned pregnancy.  The Lord has been teaching me so much through this ministry and I am so blessed to be a part of it.  It has been so nice having something that is "all mine."  As much as I love being a stay-at-home mom, I miss working and interacting with different types of people.  I'm looking forward to growing closer with the other volunteers and spending more time there this summer!  So thankful Bruce is willing to babysit, and have a "man night" with Mark while I'm gone.

Mark is doing well.  Today was rough because he is getting about 4 teeth at once.  And until you experience the teething of a toddler it's difficult to explain.  So hard to see your baby in pain, and yet there is not much you can do.  (Also, it is hard to care for a fussy strong willed toddler!  Hard to have compassion when your frustrated.)  Being a mom is the hardest, and most rewarding thing I've done in my life, but wow I'm thankful I have Bruce to help me.  And I am very thankful for God's grace that covers me when I have bad days.

I don't really have any plans with this blog.  I'm going to try and add links to my favorite recipes, blogs, and more.  Most days, I'll probably just ramble my thoughts for the days.  If anyone reads this, hope it makes you smile at least once or is encouraging in some way.

Happy Tuesday! (Time for me to wake Mark up!)